| College life |
[26 Aug 2006|12:10am] |
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Dina-Planet Z |
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So here I sit in my dorm room after my first fun filled night at college. Somebody either pulled the fuckin alarm or whatever and the fire alarm went off in my dorm. I was not happy. I AM SO SICK OF SHIT!!!!!! I'M GONNA FLIP OUT! Yeah, that was a rather fucked up outburst. I'm tired of the childisg games. I just want it all to go away. Now. I want all the stupid shit to stop now. So sick...just so fucking sick. Sick of hearing about how it isn't always that easy. About how there are other things that you have to consider. About how life can't always just work out that way. Well fuck you guys. Tired of you. Sick and tired. And I'm so crazy. So damn crazy. Need to write. Need to get it out. Now.
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| Fuck you |
[28 Jul 2006|05:31pm] |
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Fuck this place, fuck this time, fuck this town, fuck it all. I'm going to lose it.
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| Oh look, a new post |
[21 Jul 2006|09:22pm] |
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I'm not supposed to feel this way. I'm the sane one. I'm the one that's never tried to kill herself, the one that's never cut herself on purpose, not because of the pain or because she couldn't stand the sight of blood, but because she knew that she would never be able to take care of the cuts and they would get worse. I'm the one that can sit with a notebook in her lap for hours, just writing her stories. So why can't I finish a story? Why can't I do anything right?
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| Death |
[18 Jul 2006|09:33am] |
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Maury |
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A girl died the other night. Not just a normal death, no. A girl hung herself the other day. My grandmother called me over to her house to give me something, because she's my grandmother and she lives next door to me and she does that. So we're sitting in her screened in thing and she tells me that a girl hung herself in the next town over, because towns are so close together around where I live. I came home later that night and found out that one of my friends knew the girl, so I spent the night trying to make her feel better. I mean, this girl she knew just fucking tried to kill herself. I wanted to be there. This morning, my grandmother called me. She wanted to let me know that the girl did die, and that we were related. Or, at least, I am related. She was related to my grandfather, so really my grandmother has nothing to do with her, but *I* was related to her. It makes my head spin. I guess I shouldn't think to much about it. I didn't know the girl, and I'm feeling more depressed and "Why does shit like this happen?" now than I did when my grandfather died in May. But this girl, she was fourteen and she just ended it all. I don't know. It's crazy. I just wanted to let you people know that there is another way out. Suicide doesn't fix your problems. It just puts them off until the next life, the next time around.
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| Fuck it |
[16 Jul 2006|11:34pm] |
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Fuck relationships, forget it. I don't want to be that dependant on another person. I'd rather die having never been in love than put another person in that position. Fuck that shit, man.
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| Fun facts about me you all should know. |
[11 Jun 2006|03:34pm] |
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It only hurts when I breath_Idina Menzel |
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Okay, so I'm really tired of everyone thinking that they know me oh so well. Here are a few things you all should know.
1.) Living in this small town is slowly sucking the life out of me.
2.) I can't wait to graduate, because it means that I can finally be free from the drama that is this place.
3.) I really hate it here, I'm not just trying to be to cool.
4.) Listening to music makes me feel safe.
5.) I don't know if I can cry anymore because it's been so long since I've cried.
6.) I do a lot of things for attention.
7.) I don't like being right, it just happens.
8.) If I could go back and change things, I would.
9.) I push people away because it's easier than dealing with them.
10.) I obsess over things because it takes my mind off of my problems.
11.) I tell everyone that I'm going to keep in touch when I go to college, but I don't think it's going to happen.
12.) Nobody knows the real me, and it's my own fault.
13.) Nothing will ever be the same once we graduate and I don't want it to be.
14.) I wish everything could be different, but I know there's nothing I can do to change it.
15.) I'm never going to finish another story of my own.
16.) Sometimes I wish I had the courage to kill myself, but I know I don't.
17.) I scare myself so don't feel bad if I scare you.
18.) I never think before I open my mouth.
19.) I don't know everything, I just tell people that to make them think I'm crazy.
20.) I don't know if I'm sane anymore.
This is me, right here, on paper. Kind of. Like it or not, this is who I am. Deal with it.
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| Broken |
[06 Jun 2006|03:43pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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Idina Menzel-Planet Z |
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Title: Broken
Author: They_call_me_si
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: I don't own RENT.
Summary: Maureen Johnson never understood what it meant to be broken
Maureen Johnson never understood what it meant to be broken. When she was in high school, all the novels that she was forced to read were about couples breaking up and the man and the woman both being so broken without the other.
It never made sense to Maureen. She was an independent woman. She didn’t need anyone to feel complete. Maureen vowed to herself to never let breaking up with any mane make her feel broken and alone. No man was worth that.
Breaking up with Mark had been easy. The relationship had died long before Maureen had left. They were just staying together because it was easy. She knew that there would be other relationships.
When she first met the Queen of all control freaks, Joanne Jefferson, she hadn’t been expecting more than a one night stand. She sure as hell wasn’t expecting to fall in love with the uptight, though very beautiful lawyer.
And Maureen was definitely in love.
Cheating on Joanne never crossed the Drama Queen’s mind. Flirting and cheating were two completely different things. At lease to the performance artist. She never thought that Joanne wouldn’t understand.
But now, standing in a hospital room, looking down at her dying friend, doing everything she could to steal glances at her ex-girlfriend without being caught, Maureen Johnson knew what it was to be broken.
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